Thoughtful IEP Meeting Advice for Gen Ed Teachers

Have you ever walked into an IEP meeting and been met with worried parents who looked like they were about to cry, run away, or both before the meeting even started? As the parent of two kiddos with autism and a teacher, I thought I'd share some insight into where those emotions often come from as well as some IEP meeting advice for gen ed teachers so you can help parents participate in an awesome meeting!

Before I get started though, it's important to note one very important thing. There are thousands of IEP meetings happening around the country each week that are happy, productive, and run smoothly! This post is to assist you if you walk into a meeting with parents who are struggling. Please don't walk into meetings expecting stress or struggles.

To understand where these stressed parents are coming from, I have to share what they're going through.

By the time you're meeting these stressed/worried parents for the first time, you should know that the chances are high that they've absolutely been through it. What do I mean by "through it"? Well, they've most likely experienced, or are currently experiencing, at least one of the following: They've been stared at and judged more often than not while in public places with their child by people who don't understand and sometimes ask prying questions when all they want to do is get their groceries and leave. They've been trying to figure out how to meet their child's needs, prevent meltdowns, and help their child navigate a world that wasn't built for them, and it has been a rollercoaster. They've been told by medical professionals that their child will never ... (there are many things you could insert her to complete the sentence). They've been given contradictory advice from friends, family, and medical professionals for years.

Their child has had a teacher in the past who wasn't inclusive and didn't provide the required accommodations.

They've felt alone because they don't know any other family quite like theirs.

And this last one is a big one. They haven't had a full night's sleep in a very long time, maybe even years. (As I'm writing this post, my youngest is still going strong one hour before bedtime despite having been awake since 4 a.m.) If you are sleep-deprived for an extended period of time, your reactions to any situation will reflect that. It's also important to note that it takes time to mentally process your child receiving any kind of diagnosis. Some parents may still be a little bit stunned and trying to process a lot of new information all at once when you are meeting them for the first time. All parents struggle. However, there are undoubtedly extra, unique struggles that come with raising a child (or children) with special needs and everything I've listed above - well, that's a lot to manage and cope with.

Why is the struggle and anxiety manifesting here and now? I say all of this because, ultimately, the urge to cry and run that you may see on a parent's face immediately after walking through the door more than likely isn't due to anything you've done. It's most likely due to past experiences that have accumulated over time and caused the parent to be on guard in any setting. You see, there's a big difference in setting and circumstances. When you're at the grocery store, you can leave when you're ready. You can deny the prying shopper asking those intrusive questions access to you and your child by walking away, but it's different in an education setting. It feels extra vulnerable when everyone is gathered around a table to assess and discuss your child's needs and progress. While the goals and intentions during the meeting are absolutely wonderful and you are there to help their child receive an amazing education, it doesn't often feel wonderful for parents. The "what ifs" and anxiety due to past experiences can take over - hence, the emotions.

How you can help.

Reading all of the above probably has you thinking something along the lines of, "What can I do? There is no way I could possibly fix the past!" and you're right. You cannot hop into a time machine and take away past struggles or even address all of the current struggles. You can, however, help set the tone. You can help with the transition into the meeting and help create a positive and relaxed environment. Here are some ideas for helping a nervous parent.

1. Don't start talking about specific details about your student's support needs right away. However, you also shouldn't sit in awkward silence until the meeting "officially" begins. You don't have to start a giant conversation that will take up everyone's time, but make a little bit of small talk while everyone is getting settled, even if it's about the weather. And if the special education teacher and other teachers have already started with a little small talk when you enter the room, join in! 2. Be genuine and smile. It seems simple, but as teachers, we can get nervous about these meetings too, not because we anticipate something bad happening, but because new people and unknown territory can make us nervous also. So, don't be afraid to make the first move and offer smiles and friendliness. Be warm.

3. If the school year has just begun and you don't know the student you are conducting the meeting for very well yet, it's okay to say that! Just focus on what you have learned about him/her so far, how excited you are to get to know your new student, making sure the parents know you're here to educate their child and provide his/her accommodations, and your commitment to providing a safe and loving space. Doing this might sound something like, "I know we're only a few weeks into the school year, but I've loved getting to know your son. His natural curiosity and eagerness to learn are fantastic! We're off to a great start. If there's anything you'd like to share with me now, or in the future, that would help me get to know him and be a better teacher to him, please share. I'd love to hear it!" 4. Share about a sweet moment you've shared with their student, even if it's something really small. This shows that you are tuned in and that their child is truly a part of the class. This will help alleviate the fear that most parents of children with special needs have, which is that their child will be excluded by classmates, teachers, or both. 5. Finally, if parents do start to cry during the meeting, make sure they know that it is okay to cry!

Having been both the giver and receiver of much-needed warmth and kindness during IEP meetings, I can tell you with 100% certainty that offering both to parents during IEP will always be welcome and appreciated.

Looking for more ways to help students of all abilities in your classroom? Check out my post - Creating an Inclusive Classroom! Until next time! Lauren